insecurity kills you slowly...... and then all at once.

everybody said that nobody's perfect. I totally agree with it. but still. you want to be perfect. you NEED to be perfect. everybody push you to be perfect, to be something they want.

I'm not perfect. I am full of flaws. I'm ugly. I don't have that victoria's-secret-dreamy body. I don't have thick eyebrows like cara does. I don't have brilliant eyes. I don't have pointed sharp nose. My cheeks don't look like jolie's. I'm fat. I don't have nicki minaj's butt. I don't have katy perry's boobs. I'm just me. I can't even walk properly. I can't dance. I have an unbalanced body. I am clumsy. I'm too loud. I never go to a club. I never kiss a guy. I don't even have a boyfriend. I am just a tiny chunk in this fucking horrible world.

tell me what's the definition of beauty? it's all BULLSHIT. bullshit if you said that I'm pretty no matter what I looked like. BULLSHIT. if it's right, I am not happy to hear that. I am not happy to have body like this. to have so many flaws in me. to have all things that I have today.

thank you and your judgemental asshole, dude. you make me hate myself more and more everyday. xx

I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once. [ The Fault in Our Stars, John Green]

-

What do you think about friendship between man and woman? What if one of them loved another but he/she doesn't love him/her back?

I asked it to my friend and she answered like this. Here it goes:

happy (belated) birthday?

giving or being given?
I choose the first one. giving. There's a thing about giving; It makes you happy.

Yesterday was your birthday, and I've prepared your gift since 2 months ago. I made a mixtape of our favourite songs (I thought it was full of your favourite songs). At first I wanna give you chocolate or a book but you were so annoying and I was like "ok I'm not gonna give you anything but the tape" but my friends kept supporting me to give it to you so yeah. I made a set of puzzle ─ the hard one, eh? ─ for you. I was so insecure and I was afraid that you wouldn't like the gift bcs it's nothing compared to everything. But again, my friends kept telling me to send it to you. So on Saturday, I sent the gift for you via jne. sorry I didn't give it straight to you, hehe.
A night before your birthday, I decided to be the one who say birthday to you but I FELL ASLEEP I'm sorry. I felt helpless and failed and somewhat insecure again I wanted to burst into tears:( But finally I made it. I said it to you and we were talking via line that whole day. I checked jne website every minute─I'm not exagerrating─and it said the gift hadn't delivered yet. I was panic and wanted to die omgomg and suddenly you said thank you for the gift blablabla. I was very happy that I laughed on my way to home and can't stop smiling. And you said you like the gift and thanked me again and again. If I was a firework I might burst that time hahaha. You were everyhting for me, and your happiness really matters to me. It made me happier cause I knew that I'm the one who made you happy. Thank you for making me happy. thank you. thank you. thank you. I really thank you.

I miss you too; I think happiness always come along with sadness (missing someone is a mix of sadness and happiness)

Bukan Siapa Siapa

Aku tahu
Dan kaupun tahu
Dimana kaki ini menjejak
Selalu ada jejak kakimu

Aku tahu
Dan kaupun tahu
Segala yang ada di pikiranku
Selalu sejalan dengan pikiranmu

Kita berdua sama-sama tahu
Sama-sama mengerti
Tapi tahukah kamu?
Mengertikah kamu?

Aku tahu
Tapi kau tak tahu
Kau tak mengerti
Rasanya jadi satu yang tak tahu-menahu
Rasanya jadi bukan siapa-siapa